If you’ve read my blog for any amount of time, you know that I have a huge heart for healthy marriages. Here is a little bit of our love story, and encouragement for those who are still waiting for the right man.
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| on our wedding day with Ben’s Granny, who recently passed away |
I’ve heard it said that whom you marry determines 90% of your happiness (or unhappiness.) Actually, the first time I “heard” that saying, it was on the back of a hot tea package, but it really struck me! {You never know where you’ll find wisdom!} Now as a Christian, I know that our joy ultimately comes from the Lord, but choosing to wait to marry the right spouse compounds that joy!
Here’s my backstory: I dated a guy for a couple of years in college. He was a good guy, just not the one for me. Everyone around me knew it, except for me. {In fact, my BFF told me that if I married him she wouldn’t smile at my wedding. ha!} Okay, deep down I did know he wasn’t “the one”, but I just didn’t want to admit it. I don’t know why I was determined to make it work. I wasn’t an overly-insecure gal, at least when it came to guys. Honestly, the reason I probably wanted it to work so bad was because I gave him more physically than I should have.
When we broke up, I was understandably devastated. For all of about two weeks. Seriously, I had never felt God as the role of Comforter like I did during that time. If I hadn’t allowed God to love on me like he did, it could have easily taken a much longer time for me to heal from that relationship. I remember my boss at work (who knew about the breakup) sayint to me that he thought I was better because of the breakup. For some reason, those words stuck with me and opened my eyes to the fact there was a better guy out there somewhere.
Little did I know, that guy wasn’t too far away! Before the breakup, the youth minister that worked in my church had asked me to be the female sponsor for youth camp that summer {I was only about to be a junior in college- but I guess I seemed mature. Ha!}. The camp took place one week after “the break up.” I know that it was God’s timing for me to have that time away from “real life” and put my focus on others for several days.
God’s timing was also perfect in that he orchestrated I would be at camp with that certain youth minister and see what an incredible man of God he was. I wasn’t interested in him as a potential boyfriend just yet- I knew I needed some time to completely heal- but my interest was piqued.
Fast forward a few months- the youth minister and I spent lots and lots of hours on the phone, lots and lots of hours ministering to the youth in our church, and lots and lots of time praying about one another (separately, but simultaneously). Seven months after the break up that I initially thought would ruin my life, I began dating the man who would eventually become my husband.
Our relationship was and is a true picture of God’s grace. I still look at Ben- ten years into our marriage- and wonder how in the world I earned God’s grace for this man. And the truth is, I didn’t. There’s no way I could. You really can’t use the word “earn” and “grace” in the same sentence! But I really thought after my previous relationship that there was no way Ben would want me. {Okay, okay, maybe I was a bit dramatic since I was only 20 when it ended, but I truly did think that!}
For all of you single ladies reading this, I pray for you. Please, please, please don’t settle with a man that doesn’t treat you like the child of God that you are. Marriage is hard enough without sharing it with a man who doesn’t treasure you. Please don’t get desperate and marry a man that you aren’t 100% sure about. Seriously.
And take some time to examine your own heart. Are you a lady that a Godly man would want to pursue? If not, what steps can you take in the right direction? If you can, find a lady that is already in a Christ-centered marriage to help mentor you into the woman God would have you to be.
Also, please remember that it doesn’t take a man to complete you. God can use you mightily even when you are single. I know so many great gals who, while they want to be married, haven’t put their lives on hold for a man. They are living such beautiful lives that are truly honoring the Lord. I have no doubt that they are much, much happier single rather than married to the wrong man.
Ladies, marriage is a beautiful thing. Truly it is. Be encouraged that God loves you so much that he wants the very best companion for you, and don’t get distracted by those who don’t measure up.
About Kelli Hays
