How Can I Help my Daughter not Become a Mean Girl?

A few days ago, I shared my story of that time I was a mean girl. (If you  missed it, you can read it here.) It is part of my story that I am not proud of, and I want to work in every way possible to prevent my daughters from becoming mean girls. So I began wondering? How can I help my daughter not become a mean girl?

The short answer is, I can’t, and you can’t. Not completely. We aren’t around them each and every second and can’t control their actions. ( <— I’m saying that to myself over and over again!)We can do our best to teach, guide and encourage them, but in the end, it is our daughters’ choice on how they will treat their peers, their parents, and anyone in their lives. But I truly believe that a little nurturing and guiding goes a long way.

Here are a few ways I’m working on this with my own girls:

1.)Don’t be a mean girl yourself.

You heard me right. Our daughters are WATCHING everything we say and do. Gossiping about our best friend? They hear that. Making snide comments about someone who needs to lose some weight? Yep, they’re most likely going to repeat that. And it’s not only that we don’t want our daughters becoming mean girls- we don’t want to be mean girls either, right? The tongue is SO hard to time but this step is vital in teaching our daughters.

to study: “Finally, brothers, (and sisters) whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about (and talk about) these things.”  Philippians 4:8, ESV, Italiacs mine

2.) Teach them empathy

I remember in one of my Christian counseling classes in college learning about empathy and how it is VITAL we I truly believe that most girls who are mean haven’t considered how it would make them feel if someone treated them the same way. If you hear your daughter making fun of someone in a wheelchair, don’t immediately snap at them. Rather, talk them through what may have lead that person to be in a wheelchair. How would she want to be treated if she were in the same position?

to study: the story of the good Samaritan, Luke 10:25-37

3.) Nip it in the bud when you see it

This somewhat goes along with #2. I know you probably aren’t with your daughter every waking minute, but if you see her acting unkindly towards anyone- sibling, friend, stranger, whomever- deal with it right away. If a friend’s mom approaches you about your daughter being mean to hers, listen carefully. I know we (I!) am quick to jump to my kids’ defense, but my kids aren’t perfect and neither are yours. Talk through the situation with your daughter.

to study: Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way (she) should go, and when (she) is old she will not depart from it.” KJV, parentheses mine.

Oh, friends, navigating this world with young girls is SO different that when you and I were young girls. There is so much more opportunity for temptation and becoming too street-smart before their time. Let’s guide them, teach them, encourage them, love them, and discipline them when necessary. Let your child see how you treat others and want to emulate that!

Further study: I highly, highly recommend this podcast from Revive Our Hearts called Conversation Peace. I listened to it yesterday and was convicted and encouraged at the same time to use my words for good.