I have a confession. Even though I have an amazing relationship with my mom, sister, cousin, and my best gal friends, my hubby is my BFF. {I’m sure he loves that title, too!} Now, don’t get me wrong, I need time with my girls- and lots of it- but at the end of the day, Ben gets the most of me. And the best part? It’s like a life-long slumber party! Fun, right?
Since our marriage almost 16 (what!) years ago, I’ve learned lots of along the way and love sharing with other couples. It is my prayer that everyone in my sphere of influence have the best marriage possible!
I know so many couples who can barely tolerate one another, much less call each other friends. This makes me really, really sad. Like any relationship, marriage takes a LOT of work. And the more grace you give one another, the more freedom you have to enjoy your relationship. Here are a few ways you can cultivate your relationship with your husband, much like you work on your relationship with your girlfriends. (you can also read this post with even more ideas!)
Traveling to Kenya with Ben was one of our best times ever!
Give grace– I am the chief of sinners in this area. As one of my girlfriends recently observed, when we’re hard on ourselves (and I am!), we’re hard on our spouses too. It’s no secret that most people give their worst selves to the people living under their own roof. Over the past year, God has shown me that I had become a person who may not be very fun to live with, and I began to work on it. Is it easy? No, not at all. And the more tired I am, the harder it gets. But when I realize how much grace I need each and every minute of the day, it makes me so badly want to extend grace to my husband.
Ask questions– I joke with Ben that when we’re both really busy, we’re more like business partners trying to get through the end of the work day than friends. (I homeschool our older two kids and he offices out of our home, so we’re often in the same house all day long.) If we take time to ask each other about our days though, that “business partner” aspect melts away. Ask him how about his job, his goals, where he’d like to travel. It doesn’t matter- just ask questions! But, don’t expect him to gab like your girlfriends do. He may open up a lot- or he may not. But giving him the chance to confide will most likely bring you closer.
Have fun together– you know how it’s fun to shop/watch movies/grab dinner with your girl BFF? Well, do this with your hubby, too! Granted, shopping will probably not be his activity of choice- it’s definitely not my husband’s. And hunting/golfing/sports watching may not be your idea of fun. Find something you both like and make it your activity together. Ben and I love to go to parks together and just walk around, eat, and read. It’s free, we get to experience God’s beautiful creation, and it’s fun!
I’d love to hear what other advice other women have on this area. I know I’ve got lots to learn!
About Kelli Hays
